Finding True Freedom In A World That Isn't So Free

We are all constantly facing trials in life; everywhere we go, and with every little thing that we do. If we make one little mistake, it can potentially lead to a major consequence. All throughout this journey of life, we are perpetually searching for ourselves and trying to find out who we want to be. Deciding what we want to be known for and what kind of mark we want to leave behind us is one of the biggest decisions we will ever make. It's easy to say that we want to be a good, Christ-like person, never tell a lie, read our Bible and pray everyday, and obey our parents all the time. But it's not as simple to actually live up to those things as it is to talk about it.


I grew up in a Christian home. My mother has been working in ministry for the last eleven years, and both of my parents have been youth pastors for the last three. Being raised in a Christian family, you grow up hearing all of the things that you're supposed to do and the way that you're supposed to live. It all just becomes so routine and sounds more like a list of rules the more you hear it. I decided to accept Christ as my Savior when I was five years old. I was dedicated to living for Jesus when I first got saved and I was sure that nothing was ever going to get in the way. The Holy Spirit revealed Himself to me, and I received the baptism of the Holy Spirit when I was eight and was baptized in water as a public proclamation of my faith when I was twelve. I was on fire completely for about seven years. As I grew into my teenage years, things started to change. I wasn't as passionate and in love with Jesus as I was when I first met Him. I slowly started drifting away from Him. I stopped reading my Bible altogether and only prayed when I wanted something. Church became boring, and I didn't listen to a word my youth pastor or senior pastor said. As I continued to grow apart from my faith, my mom would tell me at times that I was backsliding and needed to get back on track. Every time that she would mention it, I would become angry and deny it; because in my heart I knew she was right.


In high school, I was really trying to figure out who I was. I didn't try to seek God to discover who He wanted me to be, but rather tried creating myself and having control over my own life. In doing this, I took so many wrong paths. I started being careless in choosing my friends and went along with almost anything they did. I would sit around and gossip with them and not really care. Then I would get up early Sunday mornings and lead worship and attend service, and do the same thing on Thursdays for the midweek service. My life became a mess. Deep inside, I didn't want to live this way. I never wanted to be a faker, I just wanted to do my own thing and put Jesus aside. The further I fell away from God, the more evident it became. My actions didn't reflect my beliefs and I honestly just stopped caring. Satan would feed me lies saying that 'this was the new me' and 'I was always going to have to live this way because there is no turning back'. I believed it more and more. And the more that I believed it, the worse I became.



Eventually, I had experienced something that I knew would change my life forever. It ate me up inside because I never told anyone about it. I started looking for other ways to help me cope with the pain and horrible memories, which only led to even more hurt. I tried so hard to turn my life around, but I still wasn't giving complete control over to God. I still kept a little bit of the sin in my life because I didn't want to let go of it and thought I had no other choice. All of the people that I once thought were my 'friends' turned their backs on me. They took even rougher roads and I wanted to have nothing to do with it. So they left me. Not only did the friendships end, but they all ended horribly. I was more depressed than I had ever been before and felt like there was no way out. I became so depressed all of the time, and allowed Satan to fill my head with negative thoughts and continue to feed lies into me.


Finally, my spirit woke up from being a coma for years and I realized that the only way to move on was to give God the reins and completely surrender my life over to Him. I can honestly say that I have never been happier in my entire life. I should be dead right now, but because of His mercy, I am made new. I am alive in Him, and have thanked Him for that every day since I rededicated myself. God has shown me who He created me to be and what my purpose is in life. He has also put some of the most amazing people in my life lately. People that I know He has placed in my life for specific reasons and that will be there until my time is finished on this earth. I have fallen even more in love with my beautiful Creator than I ever have before. Now, my whole life revolves around glorifying Him in everything I do. I had to hit rockbottom to realize that I need Him in my life in order to function correctly and avoid the path of death and destruction. Everyday, I remind myself that He is more than worth it. Why? Because He first said that I was more than worth it.



"It is the Lord who will go before you; He will march with you; He will not fail you or let you go or forsake you; let there be no cowardice or flinching, but fear not, neither become broken in spirit- depressed, dismayed, and unnerved with alarm."
-Deuteronomy 31:8

"Do not grieve, for the Lord is your strength."
-Nehemiah 8:10

"He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds."
-Psalm 147:3

"Arise from the depression and prostration in which circumstances have kept you- rise to a new life! Shine, be radiant with the glory of the Lord, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord has risen upon you."
-Isaiah 60:1

"But God comforts, encourages, refreshes, and cheers the depressed and the sinking, comforted, encouraged, refreshed, and cheered us."
-2 Corinthians 7:6

"In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one."
-Ephesians 6:16

"Casting the whole of your care; all your anxieties, all of your worries, all your concerns, once and for all on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and watchfully."
-1 Peter 5:6-7

"All wrongdoing is sin, and there is sin that does not lead to death. We know that anyone born of God does not continue to sin; the one who was born of God keeps him safe, and the evil one cannot harm him. We know that we are children of God, and that the whole world is under the control of the evil one. We know also know that the Son of God has come and has given us understanding, so that we may know him who is true. And we are in him who is true--even in his Son Jesus Christ. His is the true God and eternal life."
-1 John 5:17-20

The Most Powerful Force On The Earth

Most of the time we define love as a strong affection or attraction. We are so drawn to someone because of their strengths and interests. Affections are a product of our feelings or emotions. So it is safe to say that our love for someone can change depending on how we are feeling or what emotional state we are in. This is referred to as natural love. This love also depends on the love of someone else. We find it hard to love someone if they don't love us. This love has all the properties of the world we live in. It is subject to change due to circumstance. It can change from love to hate. So it is ever transforming because it is affected by the environment around it. Again, we see that love as we know it in the natural is unstable.

Let me tell you of a love that is indestructible and everlasting. This love has no boundaries and it is not affected by natural circumstances. This love has the ability to drive fear out of your life and give you confidence that will never fail. The love that I am referring to has spiritual properties. It is not affected by our feelings or emotions. It can not be moved by circumstances. We find a definition of this love in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8.

This love has the ability to endure for the time it is needed and built into it is all the tools to achieve or overcome any circumstance in life. One of the characteristics is the ability to be patient, which simply means to be consistent. Patience does not look at time because time has no affect on it. What we need to understand is in order to not be affected by the circumstances of this world we have to live above them. In order to live above them we have to grasp the difference between natural love and this spiritual love defined in 1 Corinthians 13. Once we come to a place where we are operating in patience, you will have peace. Patience is a spiritual force that can overcome a lot of the weaknesses we struggle with. When we are patient we will not be envious of others because envy usually springs forth when we desire to have something and have it now. Again, patience gives us the ability to wait.

Another characteristic of this love is humility. Humility is often looked upon as weakness, but let's shed true light on the subject. Humility comes from confidence. Pride comes from insecurity. Pride is me trying to elevate myself above others. Humility is interested in elevating others because it is secure within itself. When we operate in humility, pride and boasting goes out the door. Pride and boasting are not only curtains trying to conceal weakness, but have the power to cause strife and division. Humility does not have an agenda of it's own.

Knowing all that we know now and once all this becomes practical in our lives, we can look at others in a whole new light. We can understand that circumstances can make the worst of people. That is why I like the saying; "don't judge someone unless you have walked a mile in their shoes". This love enables us not only to walk above the circumstance in our lives, but the circumstance in other peoples' lives as well. When we master this, it doesn't matter what other people say or do to us because we have an understanding that they could be different if the circumstances surrounding them where different.


Praying for people is so powerful because it stirs that love up within us. So praying for others not only benefits others, but it also strengthens you as well. When we do this consistently, that love force becomes the driving force of our lives. When we have this driving force operating in our lives, the opportunities are endless. What makes this spiritual love so powerful? In 1 John 4, we see the answer:

"And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him."
--1 John 4:16


The love I have been referring to and God are one in the same. God is love just as the scripture says and if we dwell in that love we dwell in Him. God is not moved by circumstance nor by what others say or do. He is above all that and so are we when we walk in His ability. That is truly what this love is all about. This love is not our ability, but His working through us. It is this same ability that operated through and in Jesus.

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."
--1 John 4:18

When this love is in full function fear no longer has the power or influence in our lives. If you look at an empty glass with air in it as being fearful or full of fear. If you take a picture of water and we will say this represents the Love of God. Once you start pouring the water into the glass it displaces the air in the glass and if you fill it to the top there is no room for the air at all. The same holds true with fear. Once you allow the Love of God to fill your heart, the fear will have no place anymore. Fear is bondage and once fear is no longer a stronghold, you are truly free. Whom the Son sets free is free indeed.


The characteristics I have mentioned is the true nature of God. God's love is unconditional, unlimited, and everlasting. In this world, people are looking for the wrong kind of love. This is why people are in bondage and are not free. They have no hope because the true nature of God has not been revealed to them. Let them see the Love of God in you. We are the face and hands of God in this earth. Let the most powerful force in this earth flow through you.

The Media Is The Puppeteer, And I am Cutting The Strings

Don't tell me I'm perfect or the best. Just tell me that I'm special and priceless, that's all I want to hear. I need to be constantly reminded that I am beautiful, loved and worth something. In a world full of pandemonium, I find myself invariably being juxtaposed with other girls, and the standards of this world. So many women, and even men, these days are dealing with the burden of feeling that they have to live up to the archetype that society has strung above our heads. We have it all made for us: we must weigh a certain amount, dress a particular way, and act in a certain manner. If we don't abide by these guidelines, then we're just a worthless being. I'm so sick of feeling nugatory and as if I'll never live up to these ludicrous standards. I'm tired of seeing other remarkable people feeling unimportant and petty. It's exhausting and absurd to keep up with these perpetually changing trends and benchmarks.


Because we all long to feel wanted and accepted, we tend to lean towards a few things in particular. These include addiction to drugs and alcoholism, relationships and even jeopardizing our health, because we will do absolutely anything we can do to remain in 'vogue'.



We inhale, shoot up, and smoke whatever we can get our hands on just to find an escape. We tell ourselves that it relieves our stress and helps us relax, without discerning the fact that we are only hurting ourselves even more. In the moment, we feel like nothing else matters and our worries fade away. But the second that feeling disappears, we just end up right back at point A again and nothing was really ever solved. We drink excessive amounts of alcohol and deny that we are alcoholics. We claim that we only drink on the weekends, or at social events every other week; yet when we do drink, we binge drink. We say and do stupid things that we normally wouldn't do. We consume so much that we heave everything that we once had inside of us, and pass out covered in our own bodily waste. We wake up the next morning feeling lousy and impaired and all for what? What was the point, if you're not even going to remember what happened? Creating memories, eh? The last time I checked, memories required a memory to be cherished. We're poisoning our bodies all because of a feeling of acceptance that only lasts an instant, without even really thinking about it.


We just want to feel loved and wanted. Sounds like something a relationship can fill, right? Wrong. Plain and simple: throwing yourself into a relationship to feel self worth will only cause you heartache. If you feel that you must be involved with someone to feel important and loved, you clearly aren't as confident, and independant as you might have thought you were. It is impossible to love someone if you do not first love yourself, and that comes with confidence, self worth, and independance. Truth be told, if you're searching for love, you're most likely searching in all of the wrong places and for all of the wrong reasons. I believe that it was all already planned out for us. Our love story has been written from the very second we entered this world and took our first breath. The beauty of true love is in the inevitable and extemporaneous ways that it happens. It all usually comes about when you least expect it, when you're not searching. In all honesty, why would we want to waste our time with someone that we really aren't meant to be with? In the end, you will be hurt and left with less of yourself to offer. Think of it this way, with each relationship you place yourself in that fails, you have more hurt, regrets, grief, and pain that will be dragged into your next relationship. And if that doesn't sound bad enough, you also have less to offer in the next relationship because of the energy, emotions, passion, and intimacy you've used up on the last person.


It's everywhere. All over the media. In magazines, and on television. We are all haunted by gorgeous faces and perfect bodies. Let me clarify, plastic surgery and eating disorders. Society pressures us all to be perfect. The main target being women, because women usually tend to be more insecure in this area. All we see, read, and hear about are fashion tips, the sexiest men and women alive, and dieting plans. We see these men and women that the world define as 'beautiful', and are expected to look just like them all. Young girls are starving themselves, plastering on make up, and doing whatever they possibly can to be seen as 'beautiful'. We would risk our lives to be accepted and live up to the standards of the world. Models and celebrities that are hazardously thin have the 'perfect' bodies, and reconstructed faces are 'gorgeous'. What is wrong with this picture? Why must we all strive to look like unhealthy, fake, carbon copies of one another? Natural beauty is real beauty. Though it is not seen this way by everyone, it truly is.



Our society is so disgustingly confound. Everyone is a mess, and this picture we all have painted for us is turning into nothing but a gargantuan monster. Our youth is becoming more and more corrupt everyday. So who is going to stop it? It won't be a simple task, that's for sure. I am making a vow to do whatever it takes, anything in my power, to stand against and resist these putrid laws that the world has created. Are you willing to join me?

A Rose Amongst A Bush Of Thorns

You know what I don't understand? How we are all so ignorant. That's right, all of us human beings are so full of ignorance. I hate to admit that, because ignorance is one of those things that really grinds my gears; but in a way, I am just as guilty of it as the next person.

How can it be so simple for us to push away someone that loves us beyond comprehension? Everyone in our life will fail us. Be it a parent, a friend, an elder, a spouse, a family member...anyone. But I can say undoubtedly that there is One who has never failed me, never let me down, and never betrayed me. I, however, have done Him wrong and He still accepts me lovingly, with open arms. He allows me to move on completely and start over. He doesn't hold grudges or judge me based on my past mistakes. Time and time again, I continue to take advantage of that and throw it away as if it is completely meaningless and I am absolutely deserving of His mercy. I am selfish and I want to be made selfless.

It is impossible to be intimate with anyone else, in any form without having an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. You truly do not know love if you do not know Him. Just think: the creator of the universe, the One who flung the stars across the sky, has been taken by you. You have been noticed by Him. He wants to romance you and know you better than anyone else does. He's reaching out to you, but can only reach so far. He will not force you to love Him, you must make the decision to do that on your own and to reach out to Him as well. Now why would you not want to know the One who created you personally? To me, that is just silly.

You see, we are all undeserving of this great love. We do what we want, not caring if it pleases Him or not. We would rather please our friends or the person we're crushing on, rather than the One who actually matters. The more I really think about it, then more pathetic I see it is to continue on with our daily lives as if He doesn't exist. We go to church when we need to, we pray before our meals, we do what we should to fill the role of the 'Average Christian'. Allow me to help you understand how this is an issue, bluntly.

We attend church on a regular basis because we feel that is what is expected of us as a Christian:

"The Lord says: 'These people come near me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is made up of only rules taught by men."
--Isaiah 29:13

Okay, so let's worship in church. But only worship, as in sing the songs that the worship band is playing and lift our hands. No, I believe that the Bible itself says many times that we were created to worship. Why is this such a difficult concept for us to grasp? We were literally created and placed on this earth exclusively to worship the One who made us. That made everything. We are to worship in spirit and in truth, which means that we are to live for Him and all of our actions, decisions, thoughts, and words should be to glorify Him. Otherwise, we are living a life without purpose. We are a lost cause.

We give money to charities as long as it's just pocket change and won't put a dent in our wallets:

"As He looked up, Jesus saw the rich putting their gifts into the temple treasury. He also saw a poor widow put in two very small copper coins. 'I tell you the truth,' He said, 'this poor widow has put in more than all the others. All these people gave their gifts out of their wealth, but she out of her poverty put in all she had to live on.' "
--Luke 21:1-4

We play it safe. We know we're all afraid to give, because even though we hear that what we give will be given back to us, we are too concerned that it won't be. We're selfish and faithless, that's what we are. We are too worried about running into financial issues along the way and we don't trust God himself, who promises us that He will bless us in return enough to give as we should. So where's the faith?

We don't care to be saved from our sin, just the penalty of our sin:

"I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full"
--John 10:10

Alright, so we get saved and think we're good to go. Now that we're safe from hell, we're free to do whatever we please. We sin, ask for repentance, sin and repent, and repeat. It's an ongoing cycle. Not only is it a cycle that happens periodically, but it becomes a lifestyle. We get comfortable with sinning everyday and asking for forgiveness at night. We take advantage of the fact that we are born again and we are saved from hell's flames, but forget that we are supposed to live out the life of a true born again believer. We are to live a life that glorifies God in everything we do and follow His word. The dead has gone, the new has come. Receive the gift of forgiveness that you have been given, and move on. Remember that it is not just a freebie, but it was paid for at a very high cost, by the blood of Jesus.

We hear stories of martyrs and 'radicals' and are in awe of the way that they life their lives on the edge for their faith:

"Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says"
--James 1:22

Do we seriously consider those that actually LIVE for Christ to be radicals?! Why do we sit back and continue on with our daily lives living for ourselves, instead of the One we were created to live for? We are too afraid to proclaim the name of Jesus Christ in an intimidating situation; which is when one of our friends declare that they don't believe that a God exists. What a life threatening situation! We're too ashamed to speak of the King of kings because we're afraid of being rejected, questioned or made fun of! Wow, now what place are we in to really call ourselves 'Christians'? The way that I think of it, is that in the end; the truth will be revealed. As brutal as it sounds, it is completely true. If you do absolutely everything you can to witness to your neighbor and they just continue to deny everything you have to say, who will be right in the end? But on the flip side, if you haven't done anything or made any attempt to lead your unsaved neighbor to Christ, then what kind of friend are you?

All in all, we just want to get by. We ask ourselves how much sin we can get away with without 'crossing the line'. Well I've got news for you, all sin is sin. God sees it all the same, weather you commit adultery, steal gum from a gas station, murder someone or tell a little white lie. We are too afraid to stand up and speak of the love of Jesus Christ, so we leave it up to the next person. We come up with excuse after excuse and it's really just unacceptable. We are too timid to hand our lives over to God completely. We are just so desperate to have control over our lives, because then we feel like we can sneak in some sin here and there and be happier that way. Our mindset is that we can come up with a much better plan for our lives than God alone can. What nonsense. He created us with a specific purpose and plan designed precisely for our life and we are not ready to accept it. We find ourselves saying "maybe tomorrow I will be ready for God to take over, but today I want to do what I want."



Well you know what? I am tired of this lifestyle. I am tired of watching people proclaim their faith, but not live up to it. I'm tired of praying before bed and meals, and reading the Bible at church, and that being the extension of my relationship with Christ. It doesn't matter what your excuse may be, there is always room for growth. I can't control others and make them completely fall in love with Him, but I can and will cling onto Him myself. I can only hope and pray that I will be a beacon of light even to those who know God's love. I pray that they will see Him through me and decide to surrender their lives to Him completely. I am ready to receive the plans He has for me. The gifts, the peace, the love, the reassurance and the pure bliss. I cannot describe in words the feelings that I have when I am at a peak with my Lord and Savior. I want to experience these feelings all day, everyday. Not just once a month or once a week. The music is playing, and He's asking me to dance. I am ready to take his hand and give Him control of my every step.

A Sweet Escape

The sound, the feeling, the release, the energy.
When I write music, a whole new world seems to unfold right in front of me; anything is possible and I can express myself freely. I am creating a beautiful melody to satisfy the hearts, souls, minds, and ears of others as well as myself. Others can relate to the situations and hopefully look to my music for inspiration, or a sweet escape. I've been writing music for about ten years now. Since I first began writing, it's been a passion. In recent years, I have written many songs consistently. The more I made, the easier it became to convey how I felt through simple lyrics juxtaposed with sounds harvested from the far reaches of my alternate musical universe. Finally, I sat back and listened to everything I had feverishly created over the past years, and I was happy. I realized I had discovered more about myself when I was just listening and creating music than from anything else. And for every minute of song that passed through my head, I was reminded of that realization, and it felt special. As a musician, I see things through a different spectrum than most people. I see the art in life, the color, the different dimensions to everything. The positives are usually more positive, and the negatives are more negative. Music is a blessing to everyone, and I believe that it is one of the gears that make the world spin. Without it, life would be so dull. While we enjoy music everyday, we don't think about this. However, we listen to music regularly because it is an integral part of our earth's rhythms; it heals, and helps us feel and cope. So, the next time you listen to music, think of it as a gift that you partake of at any time and can have with you always.