I grew up in a Christian home. My mother has been working in ministry for the last eleven years, and both of my parents have been youth pastors for the last three. Being raised in a Christian family, you grow up hearing all of the things that you're supposed to do and the way that you're supposed to live. It all just becomes so routine and sounds more like a list of rules the more you hear it. I decided to accept Christ as my Savior when I was five years old. I was dedicated to living for Jesus when I first got saved and I was sure that nothing was ever going to get in the way. The Holy Spirit revealed Himself to me, and I received the baptism of the Holy Spirit when I was eight and was baptized in water as a public proclamation of my faith when I was twelve. I was on fire completely for about seven years. As I grew into my teenage years, things started to change. I wasn't as passionate and in love with Jesus as I was when I first met Him. I slowly started drifting away from Him. I stopped reading my Bible altogether and only prayed when I wanted something. Church became boring, and I didn't listen to a word my youth pastor or senior pastor said. As I continued to grow apart from my faith, my mom would tell me at times that I was backsliding and needed to get back on track. Every time that she would mention it, I would become angry and deny it; because in my heart I knew she was right.
In high school, I was really trying to figure out who I was. I didn't try to seek God to discover who He wanted me to be, but rather tried creating myself and having control over my own life. In doing this, I took so many wrong paths. I started being careless in choosing my friends and went along with almost anything they did. I would sit around and gossip with them and not really care. Then I would get up early Sunday mornings and lead worship and attend service, and do the same thing on Thursdays for the midweek service. My life became a mess. Deep inside, I didn't want to live this way. I never wanted to be a faker, I just wanted to do my own thing and put Jesus aside. The further I fell away from God, the more evident it became. My actions didn't reflect my beliefs and I honestly just stopped caring. Satan would feed me lies saying that 'this was the new me' and 'I was always going to have to live this way because there is no turning back'. I believed it more and more. And the more that I believed it, the worse I became.
Eventually, I had experienced something that I knew would change my life forever. It ate me up inside because I never told anyone about it. I started looking for other ways to help me cope with the pain and horrible memories, which only led to even more hurt. I tried so hard to turn my life around, but I still wasn't giving complete control over to God. I still kept a little bit of the sin in my life because I didn't want to let go of it and thought I had no other choice. All of the people that I once thought were my 'friends' turned their backs on me. They took even rougher roads and I wanted to have nothing to do with it. So they left me. Not only did the friendships end, but they all ended horribly. I was more depressed than I had ever been before and felt like there was no way out. I became so depressed all of the time, and allowed Satan to fill my head with negative thoughts and continue to feed lies into me.
Finally, my spirit woke up from being a coma for years and I realized that the only way to move on was to give God the reins and completely surrender my life over to Him. I can honestly say that I have never been happier in my entire life. I should be dead right now, but because of His mercy, I am made new. I am alive in Him, and have thanked Him for that every day since I rededicated myself. God has shown me who He created me to be and what my purpose is in life. He has also put some of the most amazing people in my life lately. People that I know He has placed in my life for specific reasons and that will be there until my time is finished on this earth. I have fallen even more in love with my beautiful Creator than I ever have before. Now, my whole life revolves around glorifying Him in everything I do. I had to hit rockbottom to realize that I need Him in my life in order to function correctly and avoid the path of death and destruction. Everyday, I remind myself that He is more than worth it. Why? Because He first said that I was more than worth it.
"It is the Lord who will go before you; He will march with you; He will not fail you or let you go or forsake you; let there be no cowardice or flinching, but fear not, neither become broken in spirit- depressed, dismayed, and unnerved with alarm."
-Deuteronomy 31:8
"Do not grieve, for the Lord is your strength."
-Nehemiah 8:10
"He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds."
-Psalm 147:3
"Arise from the depression and prostration in which circumstances have kept you- rise to a new life! Shine, be radiant with the glory of the Lord, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord has risen upon you."
-Isaiah 60:1
"But God comforts, encourages, refreshes, and cheers the depressed and the sinking, comforted, encouraged, refreshed, and cheered us."
-2 Corinthians 7:6
"In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one."
-Ephesians 6:16
"Casting the whole of your care; all your anxieties, all of your worries, all your concerns, once and for all on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and watchfully."
-1 Peter 5:6-7
"All wrongdoing is sin, and there is sin that does not lead to death. We know that anyone born of God does not continue to sin; the one who was born of God keeps him safe, and the evil one cannot harm him. We know that we are children of God, and that the whole world is under the control of the evil one. We know also know that the Son of God has come and has given us understanding, so that we may know him who is true. And we are in him who is true--even in his Son Jesus Christ. His is the true God and eternal life."
-1 John 5:17-20
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